My new $47 million home

I’m glad I read the news today! It turns out that after years of living in a van by the river, my childhood dream of living in a 13-story glass fortress with over 10,000 windows may finally be within my reach!

My soon-to-be new home!

The “Tower of Hope”, made famous by the inexplicably but immensely popular Hour of Power, is up for sale, according to the Huffington Post!

It turns out that it should have been named “Tower of Debt” because the leaders at Garden Grove Community Church, who built the church, “allegedly” were more interested in stroking their ego with huge construction projects and lavish pay than practice fiscal responsibility or actually pay contractors.

(My lawyer told me to put that “allegedly” in there since it’s an unproven accusation, but I craftily snuck in some quotation marks that may or may not, “hypothetically speaking”, note my sarcasm.)

All’s I need is to beat the $46 million offered by the real estate investment group currently interested in the church’s property.

So gentle reader (note the singular since I only have one reader, hi Ted!), please donate $47 million. This sum can be easily won from such reputable sources as the Gritty Kitty litter contest (“it stays crunchy, even in milk!”).

I know you can do it, you can come visit any time, and I will be eternally grateful (or at least until the rescheduled rapture in October).

Thanks again, dear reader. I’ll post again once I’ve moved in to my new digs!


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