Facepalm Sunday

Howdy, stranger! Long time no see. My ancient Dell 386 laptop died on me about 3 months ago. It’s eternally stuck on the infamous BSD (a term I usually use to mean  Bull-Sh*t Deity, but in this case means Blue Screen of Death).

So I finally saved up the cash to get a blazing-fast 486 off of Craigslist, which should see me through for at least one post. I’ll miss my 386. I tried so many times to get my old laptop working again — one might say, resurrect it — but just like Jesus, it never did come back to life.

ANYWAY, speaking of resurrections (notice the seamless segue? or perhaps seemless?), ’tis the Easter season, America’s favorite season for resurrections. Some of my more astute visitors (like you!) may realize that next Sunday is Easter. Which means that today is Facepalm Sunday.

You heard me right, Facepalm Sunday. This is a holiday that I am creating right now. A small caveat: just like God didn’t really create the world, I apparently didn’t really create the term “Facepalm Sunday” (damn you, Google search!): here’s Falchion49′s take on it.

But here’s my idea. Facepalm Sunday is a chance to point out anything from the Bible or other Christian texts that would make Jesus do a Holy Facepalm if he read  it now. This can include any of the various types of stupidity in the Bible, such as contradictions, failed prophesies, talking donkeys, or anything that would make any self-respecting deity still alive in the 21st century blush with shame.

Since there are so many of them, we may have to extend this to more than one day, so feel free to post today (Facepalm Sunday proper) or in the coming days (Facepalm Sunday season: hey, if Christmas can last three months in stores, we can have a few days for Facepalm Sunday)  your favorite Jesus Facepalm moments.

Here’s an easy one to start us off. In Mark 4:30-32, Jesus refers to the mustard seed as “the smallest of all seeds on earth”. But it’s NOT the smallest seed on Earth. D’oh!

Even Christian apologists ChristianAnswers.net admit this, although they claim he was just talking about the smallest seed in 1st-century Palestine (even though he is specifically quoted at saying “on earth”). If only Jesus had known that the whole world would be reading the Bible some day…I bet he’s up there in heaven right now doing a major facepalm on this one.

So what are your Faceplam Sunday facepalms? Yours don’t have to be as long as mine. (Hey, I haven’t typed in 3 months, so I had a lot to say before this 486 goes the way of Jesus and dies, never to live again!)

Happy Facepalm Sunday to all, and to all a good day! (but not Good Friday!)

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